


Your eyes in my life

by CharIy



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alfred needs a hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hamilton - Satisfied, I like to make my babys cry, I love Matt and Alfred, Just read and you'll understand, M/M, Unrequited Love, but no comfort, just sadness, kinda hamilton Au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 11:03:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharIy/pseuds/CharIy
Summary: Alfred writes Matt a letter about his feelings.(Kinda Hamilton cause it's related to the Satisfied song so you better listen to it and kinda get the context?But makes also sense if you just read the fanfiction. Tho there are 90% song refernces)





	Your eyes in my life

_Matthieu._

_I wrote so many letters, letters which will never reach your hands. Letters which are currently burning in the flames of my chimney, erasing any trace they ever existed. They should have never existed._  
_Forbidden words written on them, showing the cruelty my heart puts me through. Every letter was the same, the same words, written in different order describing my pain with different adjectives. They were all the same and they all burn equally now._  
_And this letter will be no different._

_My dearest, Matthieu._

_I'll never forget the first time I saw your face. I have to admit, I have never been the same since then. The look on your face, your eyes. God those beautiful intelligent eyes of lavender hue. The ambitions reflecting perfectly in those fascinating eyes._  
_Your steps so smooth, filled with determination as you came across the room. I was not able look away, not even for a second. I was pulled towards you, wanting to step closer but I could not. The glance you gave me left me stuck._  
_And when you said “Hi” I forgot my dang name. Your voice so deep, so rough and so astonishing. I wanted to listen to it for the rest of my life and the moment our eyes met I felt my heart aflame, every part aflame, as if every emotion of my heart flooded my mind, my body making me burn just for you, Matthieu._  
  
_Our conversation was short, only lasting two or three minutes but everything we said was in total reconciliation. Everything we said was perfect and it made my heart race. It was a feeling of freedom, of seeing the light as if one just discovered a wonder. Is that what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level? It made me feel light, joy and my world spun suddenly around you._  
_And even if you were a bit of a flirt, I might had given it a chance. I did not mind who you were, where you came from and who your family was._  
_Matthieu, you made me want to take you away with me, just run and be with you._  
  
_But I turned and saw my brother's face._  
  
_He was helpless, the look in his eyes so similar to what I felt when I saw you. He was helpless and I knew what I had to do. In that moment, even if I did not want it, I realized three fundamental truths._  
  
_The first one was that I could never have you, even if I wanted. My job in life is to aim high, marry someone of high status and social climb for it. It's my duty as the oldest and wittiest. The gossip in New York City is corrupt and I cannot risk it with you being penniless. Though that does not mean I want you any less._  
_I was sad when I realized the second. You were not after me, because I stroke your interest. You were after me because I am a Jones Brother and therefor would elevate your status. I was naiv to set that aside. Maybe that is the reason why I introduced you to Matthew, now he can be your husband. You have your status and he has the man he was helpless for._  
_You were right Matthieu, I will never be satisfied._  
_The third stroke me the most. I know my brother like I know my own mind, Matthieu. He is the most trusting and kind person you will ever meet. If I would have told him that I love you, Mattie would have be silently resigned, telling me:_  
_“I'm fine.”_  
_But he would be lying._

_Even if those truths should cause me to let go of you. To see you as my in-law and not more I can't stop to fantasize at night. Seeing your lavender eyes as I romanticize what might have been._  
  
_At least my dear Mattie is your husband. At least I can keep your eyes in my life._  
_But I know that you and me, will never be satisfied, Matthieu._  
  
_In deep love,_  
_your dearest, Alfred._  
  
He stood up from the wooden chair, blue eyes scanning over the piece of paper filled with deep emotions in the form of pained words. He would never be able to tell Matthieu about all those feelings he kept hidden in his blackened heart. It would be so easy to hand the letter to the postman, letting Matthieu read the lines of unrequited loves, let the man react and maybe gain love back. But it would hurt his brother, it could hurt himself and sending this letter would be selfish of him. He lost Matthieu the minute he introduced him to Matthew and Alfred is aware of that.  
Grabbing the sheet of paper, he read it silently again. Small drops falling down his chin and onto the still moist ink, blurring words and his vision. But a small smile formed on his lips, a smile filled with deep sadness and the delight of knowing this is going to be the last letter he would write.  
“I'll never be satisfied Matthieu, and I need to stop fantasizing.” His voice was barely a whisper, as he walked to the chimney, the flame illuminating his body and filling his blue eyes.  
And then the last letter burned and with it the feelings which will never leave his heart.  
But at least he has Matthieu's eyes in his life.


End file.
